The story of my Angel
For many years I had waited for the blessing of a child. When I was
growing up my dream was like all other girls to get married to a very
nice, real, christian man and have a bunch of kids. After I got married I found
out that I have a problem to conceive. I was very sad to hear that and I
would ask God "why". I had already gone through a lot during all
my life and now "this", so when
I found out I had finally conceived I could not believe it!
I was so thrilled! I was going to be a mommy, a mommy!
Oh I was soo happy. This was the happiest moment in my life
Soon I started getting stuff for the baby. I would dray dream
about him. I could not wait to find out if it was going to be
a boy or a girl. We bought a crib and my b.i.l gave us a
I would go to wall-mart and stare at all the baby stuff and wanted
to get lots of things for the baby.
Soon I started showing and I felt so proud! I wanted to see everybody
that I was expecting.
Every time we would go to the doctor we would get good reports.
The baby is doing fine...everything was just perfect.
I tried to stay off my feet as much as possible, take my vitamins etc.
Well one day I started spotting. I sensed something was not right
I went to see the doctor and he told me the blood was not coming
from the uterus that I had a lil infection and he prescribed some
medicine. I felt relieved but I did not like the fact that he did not
take an ultrasound just to make sure everything was all right.
The following day we had to go and get some important papers
and we decided to stop at a friend's house. We called the doctor
to let him know we wold be out of twon and that I still had some
spotting. He asked me if I had cramps and I said no. He told me
to go and see him Monday (it was Thursday) because he was not working the following day. Everything was fine until I got to my friend's
house I went to the restroom and I saw I was bleeding a lil more.
I tried not to panic. Try to understand this was my first pregnancy
and I was so naive. I had always been told that after the first
trimester the chances of losing a baby are very low. How ignorant
I was. We left my friend's house and I started to feel cramps
I told my hubby to look for the nearest hospital. We stopped
at small clinic. I had to wait hours for the doctor, There was only
one O.B. The cramps started to increase and the bleeding too.
But the time he came to see me I was in intense pain.
Until that point I had not thought I could lose my baby.
I thought they were going to help me and my baby and
everyting would be fine. Well the doctor checked me
and said that the baby was fine there was nothing wrong
with him. His heart beat was fine. That I needed to
be on bed rest and there was a chance that
the bleeding would stop and I could leave the hospital
he following morning. I felt relieved. My baby was fine!
The doctor went home to sleep and he left me under the care
of two nurses. After some time the pain started to increase
and the bleeding. I told the nurses to give me something
for the pain but they would not do it because the doctor
had to authorize. I started to realize that I was not going
to go home that thing were going worse but I still thought
that even if the baby were born they would help him to survive.
And everyting would be fine. After hours of enduring intense
pain the nurses decided to call the doctor. When he arrived
I was very dilated and he proceeded to induce the birth.
When Angel was born he was alive. I was expecting the
doctor the place in the incubator but he refused.
He said: We need to let him go. He is too little to survive.
(I was almost 25 weeks) I was in shock I could not
believe it! No, please help him, my husband and I begged.
He said we just do not have the technology here to help him
plus I have to call the pediatrician???????
The nurse took him away. He was still alive. I always
had thought he had passed away after few minutes but
(I recently found out he lived more than 2 hours!) I hate
the fact that I did not hold him all that time before he was gone.
That my poor baby was there laying on the table by himself
for TWO hours trying to survive. ( The doctor told me he was dying right there minutes after he was born)
I had only the opportunity to hold him after several hours after he had passed away and he was already so cold and purple.
I told the doctor the he could have inject steroids to
strenghten his lungs. If that would have been done
when we arrived, things would have been different.
If I had known I would not receive help there I could
have gone to Dallas that it is only 40 minutes away.
So my dreams were shattered that horrible day
Jan. 7, 2005 a day before my birthday. We decided
to bury him on the 9th. Very few people attended the
funeral. Unfortunatly the loss of a preterm baby is
not recognized by society as the loss of an adult or
a grown up child. Somebody even said: Please Alma
get over it he was not even a person yet!
The woman in charge of the funeral told me:
Well I guess now that there is no baby you can
do something more productive like going back
to college!????
My dreams were shattered. I will never
hear him calling me "Mommy"
(Oh how much I wanted him to call me Mom)
How much I wanted to take care of him. To hear
him cooing. To teach him how to walk, how
to talk and mainly to teach him about my
sweet Jesus and raise him in God's ways.
I love this lil saying:
Dear Lord Jesus,
I wanted to sit my baby in my lap and tell
him about you. But since I never had that
chance....Can you sit him in your lap and
tell him about me"
I do give thanks to my sweet Lord Jesus for letting
me have him for several months in my womb. I know
I will see my precious Angel one day in heaven and
nothing and nobody will separate us anymore. That is
my hope and that is what keeps me going everyday.
Thank you very much for reading his story.
God bless,
Alma
   
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His legacy
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